Vampires
by The Matter's Settled
Summary: Stupid rumors had a way of not seeming so stupid at the stupidest times. StevenxCynthia. LoliShotaShipping.


_Author Notes: Thanks for reading_

**Vampires**

It was a stupid rumor.

Of course, stupid rumors had a way of not seeming so stupid at the stupidest times.

Ever since Cynthia had won the Pokémon League Championship, crushing the incumbent as martial artist might crush a flimsy piece of timber; a superfluous amount of wild rumors had been spreading about the girl. Some people said that the she might be a genius, an accusation that in some ways actually seemed quite reasonable, considering the effortless grace and cunning tactics that the girl showcased in battle. Other people said that she was an alien, a claim that was highly unlikely considering the fact that extraterrestrial life forms have never been confirmed on planet earth. Another rumor suggested that Cynthia was the head of a major crime syndicate, a resurrection of a Kanto-based crime syndicate, a Neo-Team Rocket for the lack of a better word, and she used her wealth and influence to bribe challengers and maintain her position as Sinnoh League champion.

And these rumors, as ridiculous as they may have been, couldn't hold a candle to the front cover of the Hoenn Enquirer, a tasteless irredeemable magazine that published the article: Sinnoh Champion Cynthia is Vampire who Sucks Human Blood. The magazine promised "shocking and indisputable evidence" for the super low price of 4.99. Former Hoenn League Champion Steven Stone looked at the publication distastefully, muttering to himself that the magazine was even more useless than a timeshare to the arctic tundra.

Of course, the magazine had some value because Steven bought it. The former champion of Hoenn didn't buy it because he actually believed Cynthia was a vampire or anything silly like that. He bought the magazine because he, like many others, thought that the champion of Sinnoh was an exquisite beauty, a girl with a dazzling eyes and a wonderful smile. Steven bought the Hoenn Enquirer on the off chance that there was a picture of Cynthia in a flimsy turquoise spaghetti strap, or better yet a hot-pink two-piece bikini. Needless to say, Steven wasn't planning to do anything indecent or lascivious besides a little healthy staring. He wasn't that type of guy and this isn't that type of story, in case any of you deviants out there were wondering.

On the other hand, Cynthia, the girl who was photographed in the Hoenn Enquirer, the girl who was photographed doing some late night shopping, the girl who was wearing a black outfit, the girl whose front tooth stuck ever so slightly, was on Steven's mind all week. He couldn't stop thinking about her and he couldn't stop thinking about how he wanted to kick the magazine editor in the stomach for wasting time taking dimly lit photographs, instead of high quality pictures of Cynthia on a sandy beach in a pink bikini; any color would do but you wouldn't hear Steven complaining if said bikini happened to be a size too small and gave the world a lovely glimpse of her fantastic figure and her milky skin.

But of course we digress.

If we had a lot of time to waste, we would talk about various moronic schemes, Steven's various plans to get a date with Cynthia, ideas which ran around frantically in his head, like the hare that overslept and realized he needed to catch up with the tortoise. However, stupid plans were stupid and Steven wasn't bold enough to act upon them anyway.

Luckily, Steven wasn't as hapless as the average person. He happened to bump into a turquoise spaghetti strap at the grocery store, a shirt that just happened to be attached to body of Cynthia.

"Cynthia." Steven exclaimed enthusiastically, as though he found a winning lottery on the ground.

"Oh you are the former champion of Hoenn, Steven Stone. It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person," Cynthia remarked while sticking out her hand and ostensibly offering a handshake.

Steven froze, crippling nervousness overtaking him like a bucket of ice water would overtake a dying beach bonfire, and the trainer desperately searched for something intelligent to say.

"You're not a vampire are you?"

The horror of Steven words dawned on him once he uttered them. He had been desperately hoping for this moment, as an Olympic athlete hopes for a gold medal, and yet he was well on his way to making a horrendous first impression.

However, Cynthia started laughing hysterically, confusing Steven and causing a little boy walking by to squeeze his teddy bear a little tighter.

All of a sudden Cynthia stopped laughing, as she looked over at Steven pensively, as Neanderthals might stare at the person who first invented fire.

"I think you should come to my house. As a matter of fact, I won't take no for an answer," the girl added with a coy smile, showing off two front teeth that, if only for a moment, looked incredibly like razor sharp fangs.

Steven was scared and excited. But mostly scared.

He followed the girl, mostly at a distance, but something told him that he couldn't run away even if he wanted to. Besides, he didn't want to. An exquisite beauty was inviting him into her house. It was time to stop thinking about vampires; they didn't exist. However, gorgeous girls were another matter entirely, he told himself as he stepped into her apartment.

Steven found himself sitting on a comfortable couch, while Cynthia was putting her groceries away. Soon enough, the girl reemerged.

She casually opened her mouth to yawn and Steven was absolutely sure he saw two razor-sharp fangs protruding from her mouth.

"What the hell," he shrieked. "Why are your teeth like that?"

"Oh, they get sharper when I'm really hungry," Cynthia responded in an unperturbed manner, as someone might respond when asked their favorite color.

"That's not what I'm asking. Are you really a vampire? Are you going to suck my blood?"

Cynthia started playing with her blond hair, twirling it around her finger.

"Well, I probably wouldn't be a good vampire if I didn't," She said, licking her lips provocatively.

A calm, cool, collected response from the Sinnoh Champion and ostensible super-vampire and meanwhile Steven was panicking. The trainer dropped to his knees and his palms became exceedingly sweaty. It was officially time to panic. Steven just collapsed on the marble floor, his heart pulsating exceedingly fast, his arms shaking perfunctorily out of pure trepidation.

If she was going to drain his life-force, then she should just do it and get it over with. The suspense was too much to bear!

"Are you okay? I'm sure you're not scared of these plastic teeth I bought at the grocery store. I know you don't really think I'm a vampire but your arms are shaking intensely and you are sweating profusely. Do you need some water?"

Steven looked at Cynthia; a girl who was looking at him sympathetically like a mother might look at a child who scared of the dark. If he had a chance to impress her tonight, then he certainly missed it.

And it was all because he bought that stupid magazine.

Stupid rumors were stupid.

_Author Notes: Cynthia bought the false teeth at the grocery store (because she was intrigued by Steven and his weird question) and she put them on while she was putting away the groceries. The first set of fangs was a product of his imagination, in case any of you were wondering._


End file.
